you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
