one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
