pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
