hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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