WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
