dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
