Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
