Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
