Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
