I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
