do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
