I am puke
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
