people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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