I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
