is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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