Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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