Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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