Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize