I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
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I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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