im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
