I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
