VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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