I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my poor anus
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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