That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
