wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
