some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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