ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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