Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
