Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize