So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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