How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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