I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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