i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
