im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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