I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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