Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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