My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
