I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
