This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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