mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
