I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
