I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
