The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
