Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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