Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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