Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just pee around me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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