Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
