wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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