dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
