so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
