You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
