yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
