did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just pynch a tree in the face
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
