Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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