the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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