I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
