everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize