But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
