mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
