dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
