nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
