My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
