I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
