Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
