Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize