just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
