it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize