I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you inspire me to be a worse person
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
