This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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