1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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