I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
