How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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