i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
