Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
