Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
