Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
