There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
