In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
